If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
