Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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