Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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