I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
