Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
