I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
