I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
