What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
