Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
