nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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