So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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