see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
