perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It was a blind-side dick pic.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My bed smells like the plague
Please don't give away my fajitas
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
