i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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