no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
