is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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