yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
