i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm sobbing to NWA
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
