Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
