I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
