Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
