Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
