My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
