i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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