Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
