you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Randomize
