after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
