while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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