why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
