who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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