I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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