Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
