fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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