Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
