I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Where is the hickey?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
