yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
