its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
