He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
