Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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