Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
