Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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