non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
