Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
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