So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
