i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
