And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
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