her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
please come you make the beer taste better
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
