I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
