the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
