Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
