all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
When are your genitals available?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
